Blog

Written by: Rebecca McLean, MSW, LCSW

You walk in the house from your daughter’s soccer game, and you pull the chicken out of the fridge, noticing the milk is low so you add that to the grocery list (not sure when you’ll have time to go). Thankfully you moved the chicken from the freezer this morning (while you were packing the kid’s lunch) after you put it in marinade and then the froze it last week for a weeknight just this hectic. You immediately are thankful that last week you thought ahead, so you didn’t have to think too hard about dinner tonight. You start the rice on the stove and cut the veggies to throw in the oven, while you’re asking the kids what homework they need to finish up tonight. While you finish cooking dinner, you glance at the calendar and see a doctor appointment for your son tomorrow, so you make a mental note to pack a snack for him because you know he will be hungry when you pick him up from school. Knowing your daughter’s dirty clothes hamper is full (because you saw it when you woke her up for school this morning) and she will need socks for soccer practice tomorrow, you remind her to bring her clothes to the laundry room. Finally, the timer dings; dinner is ready. You tell everyone dinner is ready, to grab their own drink and head to the dinner table where you can sit down, for maybe the first time today.  

This all happened in a matter of minutes. The planning, the organizing, the mental list, and reminders. You’re thinking of everyone else, their needs and their schedule. What do we need to keep things moving forward, staying afloat.

What is the “mental load” anyway?

This is an example of the “mental load” women typically carry in relationships and families. The cognitive and emotional labor in managing the logistics of life, often the life of a family.  It is a lot of unseen work, done in silence. It is not just what women are doing; it is what they are constantly having to remember.

The mental load consists of constant anticipation, planning, remembering, reminding, and monitoring. A job that doesn’t end at 5pm, but runs 24/7, 365 days a year.

Why women disproportionately carry it.

While women carrying the mental load is not the case in every family, however the mental load is disproportionately impacting women. Why, you might ask. Well, there are a few factors leading to this pattern within families. Gender roles within families have, for generations, left household management as the responsibility of women. Despite women increasingly entering and remaining in the work force, the household responsibilities have not shifted or become equally shared. This pattern and social norm often leave women maintaining a job outside the home and maintaining household management.

This can also lead to having a “default parent” within the home. A “default parent” is the one who automatically assumes responsibility of the children’s needs, logistically, emotionally and mentally. This is not about who “does more” but about the one who is mentally on call, constantly. This is often the parent who is the school’s main point of contact, schedules doctor appointments, remembers to fill out forms or dress the kids for picture day, anticipates emotional needs, and coordinates childcare. It is like being a project manager who can never clock out.

Signs of the mental load. 

While there are many parts of the mental load that are unseen, the symptoms of it can be very visible. With the mental load comes chronic irritability due to immense mental and physical fatigue. The constant anticipation of others’ needs can lead to a lack of true rest and restoration. You’re always thinking three steps ahead, preventing your nervous system from fully transitioning to rest and recover mode. So often, hypervigilance is disguised as “responsibility,” preventing you from identifying it as an issue ultimately leading to anxiety and even sleep disruption.

It might be hurting your relationship.

You might think to yourself or find yourself telling your friends, “Well, someone has to do it.”  While seemingly harmless, this comment is often full of resentment and feelings of isolation. You feel like nobody is there to pick up the slack, leading to lack of trust and connection in relationships.

Women can fall into negative thought patterns like “If I don’t do it, it won’t get done right” or “It’s just easier if I handle it” because they are often met with pushback when they attempt to delegate tasks. If they do ask for help, they quickly hear “stop nagging me” or “just make a list.” This can compound the feelings of isolation, leading women feeling unsupported or unappreciated.

But how do I fix this?

Great question! Adjusting the mental load is not as hard as you might think, it just takes some intentionality and quality communication. The first step it to name it. Acknowledge who is carrying the mental load and identify the “default parent.” If we can’t identify it, we certainly can’t change it.

Track visible tasks for the week. This can help illuminate who is doing what tasks. Increasing transparency can more evenly distribute tasks.

Shift your mindset from “help” to “ownership.” Relying on one partner to identify the need and then delegate the task creates the feeling of “help.” However, “ownership” creates shared responsibility and initiative, resulting in the identification of a need and the appropriate follow through. No “delegation of tasks” needed anymore.

Check in. Ask your partner how they are. See if there is anything you could be doing better. Acknowledge all that they are doing. Communication is the best way to combat the mental load and prevent feelings of burnout, resentment, anxiety, and fatigue.

You’re not “too sensitive,” you’re carrying too much.

If you haven’t realized it yet, you’re not a bad mom, a bad wife, a bad sister, or a bad friend, you’re simply carrying too much. You need help and you need someone to notice how tired you are. Stop striving for perfection, because you’re never going to reach it. You’re tired and you need help. Ask for it.

Therapy can help.

Therapy is a great place to work through these feelings. Whether that is individually to learn build better communication skills or boundaries, or in couples therapy to work together and find strategies to better support your family.

Written by: Madalina Ochenatu, MD, MS, CRC, LCMHC

When was the last time you woke up and did not immediately reach for your phone? When was the last time you lay still for even one minute without checking who emailed, what you missed, or how everyone else seems to be advancing? When was the last time you rested without feeling you had to justify it? When was the last time you took a vacation and truly could not be reached?

These are not rhetorical questions. They are questions I often raise in session. Because what I see repeatedly — particularly among high-functioning, driven professionals — is not a lack of discipline.

It is an inability to disengage.

We are living in a culture that glorifies multitasking. On LinkedIn and similar platforms, productivity is curated and publicly rewarded. Hustle is visible. Achievement is celebrated. Rest is quietly disincentivized. The message is subtle but relentless: do more, learn more, build more, be visible, stand out.

At the same time, we are immersed in constant screen exposure and information overflow. There is almost no unoccupied mental space left. We scroll while waiting. We listen to podcasts while driving. We check messages between meetings. We fill silence automatically. Stimulation becomes habitual — and when stimulation stops, discomfort begins.

In my office, that discomfort often shows up as anxiety when we try to slow down. We say, “When I’m not doing something, I feel behind,” or “If I rest, I feel lazy,” or “I can’t relax — my mind keeps racing.” When we explore further, we discover this is not simply about time management.

Beneath the busyness lies peer pressure, fear, and ego — not ego as arrogance, but ego as identity organized around comparison. Am I keeping up? Am I relevant? Am I visible enough? Where do I stand?

When productivity is constantly displayed, comparison becomes unavoidable. We do not simply work — we witness others working. We do not simply grow — we observe others accelerating. This creates ongoing psychological pressure: fear of missing out, fear of falling behind, fear of becoming ordinary, fear of being insignificant.

In response, we multitask, overcommit, remain reachable, and stay stimulated. Limits get pushed to unsettling horizons — sometimes even toward sleep aids or cognitive enhancers to sustain performance.

Doing feels safer than being.

Over time, productivity stops being behavior and becomes identity. We describe ourselves as “the reliable one,” “the strong one,” “the one who handles everything.” When identity fuses with outcomes, rest feels destabilizing. If we are not producing, who are we? If we are not doing, what is our worth? If we are not needed, what is our value?

I have heard clients say, “When I try to rest, I feel like I’m doing something wrong.” That word — wrong — is telling. Rest, as not doing, becomes internalized as morally wrong.

There is also a physiological layer. When we live in constant stimulation, our nervous systems adapt. Urgency and multitasking become baseline. Sympathetic arousal feels normal. When the phone is put down, when the screen goes dark, when the noise quiets, the body does not immediately relax. It can feel exposed. Without constant input, internal material surfaces — emotion, insecurity, loneliness, doubt.

Rest is not threatening because it is harmful.

It is threatening because it removes distraction.

In therapy, I often have to redefine rest entirely. Rest is not procrastination, laziness, weakness, or selfishness. Rest is self-care. It is nervous system regulation. It is emotional integration. It is cognitive restoration. It is sustainability.

Without it, the cost becomes clear: anxiety, irritability, brain fog, somatic complaints, burnout, relational conflict. Chronic stimulation is not competence or resilience. It is depletion disguised as drive.

We normalize patterns that quietly exhaust us. We scroll first thing in the morning instead of checking in with ourselves. We push through illness instead of allowing the body to heal. We take vacations but remain digitally tethered. We tell ourselves we will rest once things calm down — but they rarely do.

Rest becomes something we believe we must earn instead of something we require.

The most powerful shift I witness happens when we begin to tolerate stillness. When we stop multitasking for brief periods. When we disconnect intentionally. When we allow boredom instead of immediately filling it.

Something subtle but significant changes.

The narrative slowly shifts from “I am valuable because I produce” to “I am valuable because I exist.” Comparison softens. Ego relaxes. Presence increases. Rest allows being — and being stabilizes us in a way achievement alone never can.

If rest feels uncomfortable, that discomfort does not mean it is wrong. It often means we have tied our worth to motion. We live in a culture organized around acceleration, multitasking, and constant stimulation. Slowing down can feel like risk.

But chronic activation is not strength. It is sustained expenditure without recovery.

Rest is self-care — not performative self-care, not curated self-care, but foundational self-care. It is how we regulate our nervous systems. It is how we preserve clarity. It is how we protect our relationships and prevent depletion.

Rest is a priority — not because everything is finished, not because we earned it, but because we are finite.

Thriving does not come from uninterrupted doing. It comes from rhythm — engagement and disengagement, effort and restoration, stimulation and stillness.

Every healthy rhythm requires pausing.

Not as indulgence.

Not as weakness.

But as mindful, intentional, integrated wisdom.

Written by: Crystal Ray, MA, LPA

March is Brain Injury Awareness Month, making this an ideal time to highlight practical steps families can take to protect young athletes and support safe recovery.

Youth sports offer kids confidence, community, and lifelong health habits — but they also come with a real risk of concussion. With millions of sports-related concussions happening each year in the U.S., parents and caregivers need simple, actionable steps that keep kids safe without pulling them out of the activities they love. Below are the essentials — plus direct links to the official Return-to-Learn and Return-to-Play protocols you can use today.

Know the Signs: Concussion Symptoms Aren’t Always Obvious

A concussion doesn’t always involve losing consciousness. Kids may report headaches, dizziness, sensitivity to light or noise, nausea, or just ‘not feeling right.’ You might notice confusion, clumsy movements, delayed responses, or behavior that’s out of character.

Quick Action Step: Teach your child to speak up immediately if they feel off after a fall, hit, or sudden stop — even if the impact didn’t look bad.

When in Doubt, Sit Them Out

If a concussion is suspected, remove the athlete from play right away. Even brief continued participation is linked with worsened symptoms and longer recovery time.

Quick Action Step: Tell coaches in advance: ‘If my child takes a hit and something seems off, please remove them from play so we can evaluate.’

You don’t need proof of a concussion to prioritize safety. Kids often want to ‘shake it off.’ Remind them their brain comes first.

Understand the Return-to-Learn and Return-to-Play Protocols (And Ask You Doctor About Them)

Recovering from a concussion isn’t guesswork – there are established Return-to-Learn (RTL) and Return-to-Play (RTP) protocols designed to help kids get back to school and back to sports both safely and gradually. These protocols offer a guided, step-by-step progression that are proven to reduce symptoms, prevent setbacks, and protect kids from dangerous conditions like Second Impact Syndrome.

Return-to-Learn (RTL) starts first. Kids begin with 24–48 hours of relative rest, then slowly add cognitive activity back in — short reading, partial school days, then gradually increasing to full academic workload. They don’t need to be 100% symptom-free to start school again, and waiting too long can delay recovery.

Return-to-Play (RTP) only begins once RTL is complete. It starts with light movement (like walking), then progresses step-by-step through sport-specific drills and non-contact practice before the athlete is cleared for full play. If symptoms return at any stage, they step back and try again later.

Quick action step:

Ask your healthcare provider:

“Can you walk me through the Return-to-Learn and Return-to-Play steps for my child?”

“At what point should we move to the next stage, and what symptoms should I watch for?”

When should we call you?

You can also review the protocols online from trusted, evidence-based sources:

· CDC: Returning to School After a Concussion

· CDC: 6-Step Return to Play Progression

· PedsConcussion: Living Guideline for Pediatric Concussion Care (families & clinicians)

These organizations publish clear, step-by-step instructions you can follow at home and share with coaches or schools.

Why this matters:

Parents who understand these protocols can advocate for their child, ensure the school is following proper steps, and prevent early return to sports — one of the biggest risk factors for prolonged recovery.

Prevent What You Can: Gear, Rules, and Culture

You can’t prevent every concussion, but you can reduce risk: ensure helmets fit properly; follow age-appropriate rules (no heading in youth soccer, no body-checking in youth hockey); and create a culture where kids report symptoms without stigma. One short conversation before the season can prevent a major setback later.

Quick Action Step: Have a 2-minute talk this week: ‘If you get hit and something doesn’t feel right, tell me or your coach right away.’

The Bottom Line (Your Call to Action)

Concussions can’t be eliminated from youth sports, but the consequences of a concussion can be dramatically reduced with fast recognition, proper rest, and a safe return-to-learn and return-to-play plan.

Today, choose one action:

· Talk with your child

· Email your coach

· Download/print a concussion checklist

· Check your athlete’s equipment

Small steps now create safer athletes for life!

We throw around the words stress and burnout like they’re interchangeable, but they’re not. Understanding the difference matters because stress can often be managed, while burnout quietly drains your energy, purpose, and sense of self. If you’ve ever wondered, “How much longer can I do this?” -this topic is for you.

What Stress Really Looks Like

Stress happens when you’re putting in too much effort for too long. You’re still trying, maybe even harder than ever, but everything feels heavier. Stress looks like heightened emotions, anxiety, restlessness, and mental overload. You may feel wired but exhausted, productive yet depleted. Physically, stress takes a toll: headaches, muscle tension, poor sleep, and lowered immunity often show up as uninvited guests.

What Burnout Actually Feels Like

Burnout is different and deeper. Instead of over-engagement, burnout is marked by emotional withdrawal. Effort feels nearly impossible. Motivation disappears. Emotions feel flat or numb, and cynicism replaces compassion. Thoughts like “I can’t think straight,” “I’m working harder but falling behind,” or “One more interruption and I’ll scream” are common. Burnout erodes self-efficacy and creates a sense of helplessness that’s hard to shake.

Stress vs. Burnout: A Quick Reality Check

Stress says: “I’m overwhelmed but still trying.” Burnout says: “I don’t have anything left to give.”

Stress amplifies emotions; burnout dulls them. Stress drains physical energy; burnout drains emotional meaning. Both are serious, but burnout is a warning sign that something fundamental needs to change.

The Psychological Drivers Behind Burnout

Burnout often grows from a loss of control, rapid and constant change, and pressure around compensation, especially when paired with debt. Add disconnection from patients, colleagues, or community, and the sense of purpose that once fueled your work begins to fade. When meaning erodes, exhaustion follows.

The “APGAR” Signs of Burnout

Burnout shows up in predictable ways:

Appearance: fatigue, weight changes, neglecting self-care

Performance: declining output or extreme workaholism

Growth Tension: irritability, apathy, feeling constantly overwhelmed

Affect Control: mood swings, difficulty regulating emotions

Relationships: isolation, strained personal or professional connections

If several of these resonate, your system is waving a red flag.

Comedic Relief (Because If We Don’t Laugh…)

If your stress response includes whispering “I can’t do this” to your coffee…, you’re not alone. Burnout has a way of making even minor inconveniences feel like personal attacks.

What You Can Do for Yourself—Starting Now

Burnout isn’t fixed with a weekend off; it’s addressed through realignment. Start by identifying and living your values now, not “after things calm down.” Challenge the myth of delayed gratification. Integrate your personal and professional life instead of treating them as enemies. Optimize meaning in your work by refining workflows, setting limits on practice type, and shaping your environment. Outside of work, prioritize relationships, hobbies, spiritual practices, and consistent self-care like sleep, exercise, and medical care.

Your Call to Action

Ask yourself: What actually matters most to me and does my life reflect that? Burnout isn’t a personal failure; it’s feedback. Listen to it. Small, intentional changes today can restore energy, clarity, and purpose tomorrow. You deserve a life where work doesn’t cost you yourself.

Written by Elbert Hawkins, III Ph.D., LCMHC, NCC

Often, when I think of an intersection, I envision intertwining and connected roads that seamlessly shape a journey. Similarly, the idea of an intersection, when used in the context of people, specifically African Americans, our human existence, and shared experiences, illustrates nuance, varied identities, advocacy, understanding, and collectivism. As an African American, cisgender man, Christian, clinical therapist, and educator, I must understand “who I am and whose I am,” if I am to help meet the mental health and wellness needs of my clients. Also, I must understand the idea of privilege, cultural and societal advantages, oppression, and the use of power, in relation to my identities and position as a therapist. My understanding of personal intersections shapes my clinical work. It helps me close the gap between myself and others, especially people from marginalized populations who find therapy challenging to engage in and understand.

Kimberlé Crenshaw, a researcher and scholar, introduced the concept of intersectionality in the late 1980s. She argued that contemporary feminist and antiracist scholarship failed to acknowledge the inequalities and inequities in structured systems, which pushed marginalized people further to the sidelines. In theory and practice, the idea of intersectionality is also the makeup of an individual’s identity (e.g., race, gender, culture, etc.) and how they shape and influence their positionality and surroundings. The term holds significant meaning within many African American communities, particularly among African American women, who have learned to take up space and develop a better understanding of who they truly are. Additionally, through its meaning, African Americans who understand the idea of privilege, cultural and societal advantages, power structures, and oppression have been enabled to center their collective resilience, personhood, and, yes, their mental health and wellness.

Currently, many African Americans are taking their mental health and wellness seriously and seeking the professional help that is needed to thrive within a complex society. Although the literature, Office of Minority Health suggests that they, especially African American men, continue to trail their white counterparts when seeking mental health services, many are becoming educated about the benefits of therapy, making them more inclined to seek help.

To keep their momentum moving forward and to dismantle health care barriers within African American communities, particularly as it relates to therapy, I recommend the following to clinical therapist and counselors:

· Do not be afraid to acknowledge your identities and how they influence your practice and clinical work (i.e., routinely self-assess to identify biases and prejudices).

· Educate yourself on the idea of privilege, societal and cultural advantages, oppression, and power structures in relation to your positionality as a therapist.

· Seek to understand the history behind the social construction of race and gender.

· Take time to build a rapport and an alliance with African American clients and their community at large.

· Know that African Americans are not a monolithic people—therefore, intentionally personalize treatment plans, goals, and tasks based on their values and beliefs.

References:

PettyJohn, M. E., Tseng, C. F., & Blow, A. J. (2020). Therapeutic utility of discussing

therapist/client intersectionality in treatment: When and how? Family Process, 59(2), 313-327.

Thompson, V. L. S., Bazile, A., & Akbar, M. (2004). African Americans’ perceptions of

psychotherapy and psychotherapists. Professional Psychology: Research and practice, 35(1), 19.

Author: Simran Vuppala M.Ed, LCMHCA

Boundaries are often widely misunderstood as “mean” or “selfish”, especially in relationships. However, they are meant to protect your emotional well-being and prevent burn out in relationships. Following through on boundaries is actually a form of self care, and you do not “owe” your partner anything when you set a boundary. One of the most underrated green flags in a partner, is someone who honors those boundaries and understands you!

Building a Life of Your Own

The first step is to build a fulfilling life filled with hobbies, friends, and goals you hope to accomplish. Reflect on your values: are you creative, adventurous, loving, or curious? How can you get 1% closer to what fills your cup? When you build a life you truly love, your partner will be an addition to the life you built for yourself, rather than the center of it.

Types of Boundaries

There are different categories of boundaries in relationships, which include physical, emotional, time, and monetary boundaries. These boundaries are all centered around what you are most comfortable with, and this can vary from person to person. Reflect on how much access you are comfortable giving to another person, and if this would be overextending yourself. For example, if too much physical touch is uncomfortable for you, communicate how your partner can show love in other ways that are meaningful to you. This requires self awareness in relationships. Notice when your energy is low,what recharges you, what are you comfortable with physically and emotionally? Is it fair for both parties?

Communication & The Feedback Sandwich

The key to boundaries is consistency and openness in communication from both parties. The classic “I” statements are incredibly impactful and using phrases such as “I need”, “I want”, “I love” are helpful, as they provide clarity and don’t assert blame.

Lastly, the feedback sandwich includes first communicating to your partner something positive about your relationship or them, and then letting them know how something can change and how this will help. For example, if I have a friend who I have been texting frequently (maybe too frequently) and I realize it negatively impacts my health, I might say “I really appreciate our connection and the conversations we have. Recently, I have been wanting to work on my screen time, so we can call at the end of the day to debrief about each others day?”

Committing to Your Boundaries

Now, the easy part is communication. The hard part is honoring what you are comfortable giving and receiving in relationships, and standing by this. There is initial discomfort when setting a boundary, which this is completely normal. You need to prove to yourself that this won’t be the end of the world! Remember, consistency is key.

Beyond Skin Deep: Rethinking Self-Care for Deeper Well-Being

Written by: Shivani Raina, MA, LPA

When we talk about self-care, it’s easy to picture familiar routines like a skincare ritual, getting enough sleep, eating well, exercising, or even a little “bed-rotting”. But I’ve seen that real self-care often means going deeper. It’s about addressing the less obvious, but equally important, parts of our well-being. Sometimes, the most meaningful self-care involves facing uncomfortable truths, seeking growth, and making intentional changes in our daily lives.

One powerful, yet often overlooked, form of self-care is honest self-reflection. This means taking time to really look at your habits, relationships, and thought patterns.

Are there areas where you feel stuck, or behaviors that aren’t serving you anymore?

Engaging in self-reflection, whether through therapy, coaching, or even structured self-assessment, can help you spot what’s holding you back and give you the tools to make real changes. It’s not always easy, but it’s a crucial step toward living with authenticity and purpose.

Another important aspect of self-care is finding a sense of meaning in your life. Research shows that people who feel connected to something bigger than themselves, like a cause, a community, or a creative pursuit, tend to be more resilient and satisfied. This might mean volunteering, mentoring, or spending time on a passion project. When you invest in something that matters to you, self-care becomes less about comfort and more about fulfillment. Even the most perfect skincare routine can’t replace the glow that comes from living in alignment with your values!

Self-care can also mean taking charge of your environment. This isn’t just about tidying up your physical space; it’s about curating your digital life and social circles too.

Are you surrounded by negativity, or do you have access to supportive, uplifting influences?

Creating a healthier environment, both online and offline, can lower stress and help you feel safer and more connected. As clinicians, we know self-care isn’t one-size-fits-all. It’s a dynamic, ongoing process that takes curiosity, courage, and compassion. By looking beyond the surface, we can help ourselves and our patients build a foundation for lasting well-being, whether that includes bed-rotting days, skincare rituals, or something much deeper.

We are so delighted to have Anna Landestoy Alejandro, Psy.D. joining CPA for her clinical psychology postdoctoral residency. Anna is currently seeing clients in both our Durham office and Greensboro office for both psychological evaluations and individual therapy. We are thrilled to have her on our team and hope you enjoy getting to know her!

Why did you choose the mental health field?

What population of clients do you serve? Why that group?

If you recently moved, where did you move from?

How would you describe your style of therapy? (skip if you are only testing)

What is something that you enjoy doing for fun?

Share a fun fact about yourself!

With the need for psychological evaluations continuing to grow, we have added another clinician to the team to better serve you. Join us in welcoming Crystal Ray, MA, LPA to our Greensboro, NC office. She is providing assessments to individuals of all ages. Continue reading to get to know her!

Why did you choose the mental health field?

I’ve always had a love of learning how things work, so I started college in an Engineering program. After three semesters, it was evident this couldn’t be what I did for the rest of my life. I realized I needed to be able to interact with people, so I turned that interest into learning how people work instead. And it was definitely the right decision because this is where I’m supposed to be!

What population of clients do you serve? Why that group?

I’m happy to see anyone for an assessment – young, old, and everyone in between. More recently I’ve been focused on assessing children for autism simply because there is such a need, but I don’t have a particular population.

If you recently moved, where did you move from?

I haven’t moved recently but did move almost 9 years ago to Winston Salem from a tiny town in eastern North Carolina called Chocowinity. Fun fact: Chocowinity is a Native American word that means “water of many fish.”

More of a How would you describe your approach to testing?

I like to be very thorough and I’m always trying to find a different way of looking at things and how to get as much information as possible about someone. So, I’m very comfortable with thinking outside the box and trying new instruments.

What is something that you enjoy doing for fun?

The best thing I do for fun is spend time with nieces (ages 11 and 7). They are silly girls who always make me laugh!

Share a fun fact about yourself!

I have been surfing in Hawaii!

The holidays are officially in full swing, and feelings of isolation, overwhelm, and grief can creep in, no matter how hard we try to embrace the season’s cheer. We may attempt to avoid or deny these uncomfortable emotions in hopes they’ll fade, only to find they linger just as strongly.

As you move through this holiday season, consider acknowledging these difficult feelings instead of pushing them away. Lean into them and lean toward connection with others.

Dortch Mann, LCMHC, shares his reflections on the challenges many people face during this time of year, and how practicing gratitude can offer meaning and connection amid the complex emotions of the season.

“We live in troubled times, in a society that has become polarized, fragmented, and uncertain. Because we are deeply affected by our circumstances, we can feel disconnected, fragmented, and uncertain, too.  As therapists at CPA, we notice that many of our clients (and we as well) are experiencing increased stress, anxiety, and depressive symptoms. If we look underneath these, we see fear of being overwhelmed and fear of being abandoned or rejected.

Because we’re human, we can’t eliminate these fears; it’s as though they’re hardwired in. What we can do, however, is look for what is still going right in our lives and allow ourselves to feel and act on a sense of gratitude. When we experience gratitude, we feel a sense of wholeness, even if only for a moment. We feel like we belong, that we are connected. The pain of division and loss and loneliness dissipate.

Like other emotions, gratitude only works to motivate us to action while we are feeling it. It serves us best when it’s “warm.” Also, gratitude works best if it’s a welling up of emotion, rather than if we have to manufacture it. If we’re getting teary eyed and a little choked up, we’ve tapped into the “good stuff”.

Many of us just celebrated Thanksgiving, hopefully experiencing gratitude for what’s going right in our lives. We can be more deliberate and have this experience any time we choose. We can feel whole and connected again, even if only for a moment.”